After the death of someone you love
Nobody told you
grief would feel
like this.
The ordinary moments that suddenly hurt. The questions you don’t know how to ask. The effort it takes to get through a day that used to feel simple.
You’ve found a place to understand a little more, find practical help, and get to know someone who cares.
Let’s begin right here ↓
Pastor Howard Smith
Ordained Pastor · Grief Recovery Facilitator · Bible Teacher
There is hope for the road ahead.
And you don’t have to walk it alone.
Maybe it was your husband or your wife. Your mom or your dad. Your child. A brother, a sister, a dear friend. Whoever it was, the world changed the day they died.
People were kind at the funeral. Then everyone went home. And somewhere along the way, you started wondering if what you’re feeling is normal.
It is. And you don’t have to carry it by yourself.
For more than 45 years I’ve walked beside people through some of life’s hardest seasons, and for more than 15 years I’ve led grief recovery groups. I’ve heard the things people weren’t sure they could say anywhere else. “I thought I’d be doing better by now.” “I don’t know who I am anymore.” “Where is God in all of this?”
I’m a pastor, not a professional counselor. I built this place so you’d have somewhere honest to land, and a next step you can actually take.
Grief touches everything.
A lot of people quietly wonder if something is wrong with them. Usually, nothing is. Grief simply reaches further than anyone warned you.
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
Psalm 23:4 (ESV)
Notice the word through. Not around the valley. Not over it. Through it, and not alone.
A few questions
you can ask here.
Open whichever sounds familiar. There’s a little help right here on this page.
What do I say when someone asks how I’m doing?
You can be honest without telling your whole story. Try, “I don’t really know today. I’d appreciate some company, though.” Or, “Thank you for asking. I’m not ready to talk about it right now.” You get to decide how much to share.
Shouldn’t I be better by now?
Grief doesn’t keep a calendar. There’s no date you were supposed to be “over it” by, and many people find the second year has its own hard surprises. You can’t get over loving someone. You learn, slowly, to carry it differently.
Read more: When grief isn’t getting easierWhy can a small thing bring it all back?
A song in the store. Their handwriting in a drawer. An empty seat in the car. Your mind built thousands of connections during your life together, and sometimes one gets touched without warning. It doesn’t erase the steadier days you’ve had. Pause, breathe, and let yourself feel it.
Read more: A song in the grocery storeWhere is God in all of this?
That’s one of the oldest and most honest questions in the Bible. People who loved God deeply cried out to Him when life didn’t make sense, and He didn’t turn them away. Jesus Himself stood at His friend’s grave and wept. Your questions don’t push God away.
Read more: Call me MaraCan I enjoy something and still miss them?
Yes. A moment of laughter doesn’t measure the depth of your love. You can welcome a good moment and still wish they were there to share it. Joy doesn’t erase love. It can live right alongside it.
Read more: New every morningWhen someone says,
“Let me know if you need anything.”
It’s hard to think of an answer on the spot. You don’t have to know everything you need. Think of one thing, for one day, and keep it ready.
“Could you call me Thursday evening? That’s when the house feels especially quiet.”
A small, specific request gives the people who love you a way to show up. You don’t have to explain your whole grief story to ask for company.
Three kinds of wisdom, woven together
The heart behind the help
Understanding for your grief. Help for your life.
Grief touches every part of you, so the help here does too.
Scripture, honestly applied
Not platitudes. Real passages from the Bible, from people who grieved, questioned, and found that God stayed close, applied honestly to what you’re feeling right now. Lament is welcome here. Doubt gets room here.
Proven grief counseling wisdom
Time tested wisdom from grief counselors and support groups, in plain language. Small, doable steps for hard conversations, lonely evenings, meaningful dates, and everyday decisions. Never cold. Never academic.
The science of loss
What grief does to your brain, your body, your sleep, and your emotions, explained in warm, everyday words. When you understand why you feel this way, you can stop judging yourself and start caring for yourself.
What would help you today?
Begin with one place. You can always come back for more.
UNDERSTANDING
“I have questions about what I’m feeling.”
A starting place for honest answers about grief and life after loss.
Begin with your questions →EVERYDAY HELP
“I need something useful for today.”
Articles to help you through hard moments and ordinary days.
Find an article →FAITH AND HOPE
“Where is God in all of this?”
Learn about Jesus and the hope at the heart of this ministry.
Explore faith and hope →Something to take with you
Finally, Discover the 5 Mistakes to Avoid When Grieving
Secrets no one bothers to tell you.
Most of us were never taught how to grieve. This short, gentle guide names five common mistakes that keep grief stuck, and offers one simple step for each. It’s free, with no pressure.
Send Me the Free GuideNo cost. Unsubscribe any time.
For the whole journey
Through the Valley of Grief
Help for the days you never expected. Hope for the life still ahead. Four books. Four seasons of grief. One journey. The seasons overlap, so you can come back to any book whenever you need it.
BOOK ONEThe Day Everything Changed
Understanding the shock and finding your footing after someone you love dies.
BOOK TWOWhy Does It Still Hurt?
Understanding why grief still hurts, and finding help for the days ahead.
BOOK THREEWho Am I Now?
Discovering who you are becoming while carrying their love with you.
BOOK FOURThere Is More to Your Story
Making room for hope, purpose, and joy.
Where are you right now?
Grief doesn’t move in a straight line. Pick the place that sounds most like today. You can always come back for another.
You’re welcome here, questions and all.
Your grief matters.
Because you matter.
You don’t need the right words, a stronger faith, or a better day to be welcome here. Whether you’ve followed Jesus for fifty years or you’re not sure what you believe, there’s room for you, questions and all.
Begin with your questions → Lost your husband? Visit Grieving Widows Matter, a ministry written especially for widows. →